Where to begin?
I feel like I’ve been drifting since I last wrote on this blog. Drifting or turning inward. Maybe both.
I stopped making YouTube videos. It turned out to be a lot more work than anticipated. Plus, coming up with a good idea and properly articulating my thoughts was difficult. I am a writer, not a speaker. Perhaps I will make simpler videos in the future. Perhaps not.
I also quit making videos intending to work on my novel, which I did not do. I got so busy with my meditation class, yoga and work.
Around that time, I got some sort of stomach virus or food poisoning, or something. It really messed my system up and I couldn’t stomach things very well anymore. I ran out of my acid reflux medication and had some trouble getting more ordered, which really set my stomach out of balance. I felt like I didn’t want to do anything anymore. I was anxious, depressed and tired. I was sick all the time, running to the toilet all the time and starting seeing food as the enemy.
So, I visited my doctor and she helped me set up an appointment with a specialist, but in the meantime, she asked me to try the low-FODMAP diet, which basically eliminates certain types of sugars-Fermentable Oligo-, Di-, Mono-Saccharides and Polyols. Basically, no onions, garlic, lactose, wheat, fructose and others.
If you’re familiar with any type of anxiety disorders, you know that anxious people function better when there’s structure. This really messed with my schedule. All of the sudden, I had to spend more time reading labels at the grocery store (seriously, I was there for two-and-a-half hours one time), more time cooking and more time researching whether I or not I can have things like pea protein in my foods.
Then the election happened.
I’m not going to lie, I was disappointed on a scale I hadn’t been in a long time. I woke up like many in the country aghast at the outcome, questioning humanity, questioning myself, trying to figure out how to stay positive, how to continue to help the country move forward in the wake of what I consider a serious drawback, and so many other things I’m too tired to get into now.
I had all this shit happening to myself with my stomach issues and navigating a new era of American politics and then we started preparing for Christmas at work. We run at a faster pace and have a little more on our plates during the Christmas season where I work, a season that officially started Nov. 11 for us, but we’d been working hard on since probably early to mid-October. I love it, but that piled on top of everything else was a lot of stuff for me to handle.
Thanksgiving was a whole other beast, and I know I over worked myself trying to make food I could eat, but I didn’t even end up eating it day of because I was so anxious and messed up from my road trip that day. I was really more nervous about the extra few days my mom and I had planned in Chicago for the rest of the weekend. I didn’t want to ruin anything with an anxiety attack, so I ate light and tried my best to stick to my diet.
It all ended up being a blast, of course, and I didn’t have any issues, but I didn’t help myself by not eating at certain times and I forgot to carry water and snacks around with me for when I got light headed. Whew.
Also, because of this low-FODMAP life change, I haven’t been able to eat any beans. Makes sense that they’d trigger IBS symptoms, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time. But without those, it severely limits my protein intake. I did some soul searching and decided to suspend my vegetarianism, probably permanently because beans are definitely a culprit.
I’ve since reintroduced fish and poultry to my diet. I’ve had some bacon, too, but haven’t tried any other pork. Still no red meat, though. I have high cholesterol, so I probably won’t reintroduce that at all.
So here I am now. I know Christmas isn’t actually here yet, but it’s slowed down at work. I’m slowly getting used to the low-FODMAP diet, which I’ll do a whole post about later. I just wanted to catch you all up on things. I’m still going to yoga, I’m still playing around with my planner and journaling.
The thing is, I really miss you guys. I want to be better online. I want to be more present like I was, even if I’m not Bullet Journaling.
So, I’m going to try. 🙂